Costco Freakouts

When we moved to the Gangnam area, Melodie and I were really happy to know that we would be so close to the famed (at least among ex-pats) Costco. We'd never been to one before and we were excited to have easy access to deli meats, cheeses and other hard-to-find items in Korea. Well, I can tell you that after our first visit to the store, the relationship between ourselves and Coscto became strictly business. There is no love between us and that store, in fact something about the shopping experience there seems to be my trigger for pure rage. I'm usually a pretty measured person. If something pisses me off, I can hold that feeling in and vent about it later. But not at Costco. For me, Costco is freakout central.

Why? Well, for starters, on any given day the store has the same number of people (maybe more) that you'd expect to see in a western shopping mall on the last weekend before Christmas. We all know how fun that is, and Costco is like that all the time. The aisles are wide enough for 4 carts to be pushed through side by side, but yet there is always a traffic jam. I've never attempted to use a cart in that store and would probably wind up throwing it at someone if I tried. It also seems like every item in every aisle is being looked at by someone and nobody would ever, ever move out of the way for you to get by or look at something. And people will push their carts right into you, too. A cart in the bum is not cool.

Actually, the first annoying thing that happens when you walk into the store is that the store greeter checks your membership card and, once everything checks out, gives you some coupons. This would be fine if she checked everyone's cards but I find that they only check ours and let all the Koreans go through without saying a word. They still get the coupons, though.

Checking out is very unpleasant, too. Since we only buy a few things, we are always the people in line with the least number of items, but I've never seen a line shorter than four carts completely full of bulk kim and boxes upon boxes of cakes. Why do Koreans need so many cakes? And why is there no express lane??

But truly the most annoying thing about Costco Korea is the food court. Good lord, this place is madness at all hours of the day. There is literally never, NEVER anywhere to sit and eat, but if you look carefully, about 1/4 of the people sitting at tables haven't even bought any food. Why are they there? Well, they're eating a plate of free condiments, of course.

Ketchup, mustard and onions all mixed together. This is SUCH a famous Korean "thing". Every foreigner in Korea has had a laugh about this at one time or another.

I've heard stories that it takes two Costco employees to change the onion machine: one to work the machine and one to fend off the Koreans. It really is that bad: my eyes burn with the pungent smell of onions when we're near the food court (and the food court is right next to the checkout, so now you're waiting in a long line with some ajumma's cart in your bum, and everything smell like onions)! Every single table in the food court will have a plate of this stuff to eat with their meal and I honestly believe that if Costco stopped providing free onions that the whole business would collapse.

As cheap as the food court food is, I find the whole menu very unappetizing. According to Costco's website, their best-selling food court item in Korea is the bulgogi bake (as seen above). Basically, it's a hot pocket filled with beef. It's gross. The bread tastes like it was baked a month earlier and there's no sauce so it's very dry. You really have to chase each bite with a drink to get it to go down. But be careful which drink you choose: the cheap "smoothie" tastes like Flinstones chewable vitamins mixed with ice. The pizza, which is really popular, is also gross (in my opinion) and I'm pretty non-discriminatory when it comes to pizza. The slice I tried was covered in grease and had no sauce or taste whatsoever. Maybe that's why everyone's eating the onions, ketchup and mustard- they may just be the most delicious food court item on offer.

We now travel to Costco for bacon, coffee and granola bars only. Like I said, it's strictly business. We no longer browse through the store or even try the free food samples. Before we go in to the store, Mel rubs my back and reminds me to relax. Yes, I actually need to get a pep talk before shopping there! But, for a few special items, Costco is a necessary evil. I'm looking forward to using my membership card at home where the prices are better and the merchandise is more to our tastes. If you're planning to visit Costco in Korea, I'd recommend going on a weeknight if you can. The few times we've gone on weeknights haven't been quite so maddening. The same goes for the E-Mart across the road. Don't even get me started on that place...

After buying some bacon, coffee and granola bars two weeks ago, I was pretty sure that we were stocked up and done with Costco Korea, but now Melodie informs me that we need to go back this week to buy some bulk "going away cupcakes" for her office. *deep breaths* The things I do for this girl :)