A Little Prick

Today our school did mass H1N1 immunizations, which was probably smart because we have had so many canceled classes because of H1N1. Last week there was a joke going around at my part-time school that I was the H1N1 carrier because all my students seem to get sick. Well, hopefully that will never become true because Mel and I decided to have the shot as well. It was pretty painless but I know a lot of people at home have gotten sick from it so I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't make us ill too. I've had to teach way too many classes full of coughing kids in face masks to say no to this shot. But I'm not gonna go around licking any students just yet: according to the doctor we won't be immune for another 2 weeks. Wish us luck!

Censored

For supper, Mel and I were supposed to go out to eat with the other teachers and our boss at her school so that our boss could continue her attempts to try and hook one of the female teachers up with creepy old men that work at the school. However, that school can suck our asses. The job started out okay, but the situation has progressively gotten worse (I mean they did hire me, replace me and then re-hire me... and they've gone through 5 teachers in 3 months... and there's a million more reasons) and on Tuesday they told Mel that unless she agrees to suddenly teach 6 days a week (which is not in her contract), then they are going to fire her. And you'd like us to go out to supper with you? SUCK OUR ASSES. Instead, the two of us went to an awesome all-you-can-eat BBQ place, had a great time and discussed our options. Not that we haven't been discussing our options for a few months now. Suck! it!

From the game of Things:
Category- Things you shouldn't say to your boss
Answer- "No you can't have my F****ING passport"

Don't Squeeze The Bishop!

Do you know who Wang Lee Hom is? Me either. The Christines in my life have been feuding over this guy for a few weeks now and Friday night we were all invited over to Christine Sr.'s apartment to watch one of his concerts. You should look him up. He's not your average thug (according to the CD liner notes) and his best song is definitely "Ya Birthday", which is a complete rip-off of 50 Cent's "In Da Club" with the "hey shorty, it's yo birthday" hook stolen to use as the chorus. Also, we taught Christine Sr. a new word! She thought "shorty" meant midget. For years now she must have wondered why all the American rappers were rapping about midgets!


On Saturday, I had to teach for a couple of hours- the first time I've been roped into this H1N1 make-up class business. It wasn't bad because the class I had are some of my favorite kids, they entertained me with magic tricks and we watched "Up", which is one of my favorite movies. I wish every class was like that! In the afternoon Mel and I ran a few errands at the Carrefour (where we were given free samples of whiskey at the grocery store- WTF!) and then I got my hair cut at a $100NT place. It's my favorite place to get my haircut- you just stick $100NT ($3CAN) into a machine and it spits out a number. When your number is called the hairdresser will cut your hair for up to 10 minutes and then to finish the vacuum up all the loose hair on your head with an actual vacuum. Classy! I wonder what happens if your haircut isn't finished in 10 minutes? I attracted a bit of a crowd too. While the guy was cutting my hair, a couple people lined up along the glass wall and watched me and pointed for several minutes. Just because there's a wall doesn't mean I can't see you!!


Also on our shopping trip, we bought the world's most basic little Christmas tree for our apartment. In true Taiwanese fashion the Christmas tree cost $1 CAN but the lights were $6. It brightens up our living room and I love it. Now we just need some presents!!


Saturday night we had peoples over for drinks and games. We played the "Game of Things", which turned out to be pretty funny. To play the game, one person reads the name of a category and everyone else writes down something that belongs in that category. The goal is to guess who wrote each answer. Some example categores and their respective answers:

Things you shouldn't do in public: "Squeeze the bishop"

Things you shouldn't give away: "My tits"

Things that would make work more interesting: "Big Boobs Night"

Something you would like to do on vacation: "Sex with a midget" (Hey shorty!)


After that exercise in creative writing, we went out to a Karaoke place in Ximen. Unlike the karaoke places we are used to from Korea, this place basically functions as a full-service restaurant. Included in the price of the room is $100NT per person in food or drinks so we had quite a feast while we sang- including a keg, a dozen cans of refreshing beverage, wings and the above platter of rings, fries, chicken and weiners. Oh, and halfway through the night we were served 4 banana splits! So awesome!


Lovin' the tunes.


We sang a bunch of English songs, a Spanish song and we were treated to some Chinese songs by Kris and Jason. And guess what amazing song they had... p-p-p-p-poker face. No "Sorry Sorry" though... womp womp.


We'll call this the "after" photo. Pretty respectable, right?


After 3 hours of singing like angels at the karaoke place, we walked across the road to the main Ximen shopping area where we were treated to a salty Starfruit juice and then had a seat for a while at Mark's favorite gay bar- the Bear Bar.


Grrrowl!


The teachers who live in the school dorms had their curfew extended to midnight on Saturdays (win!) and since we arrived back home at the strike of 12, Christine couldn't come back to our place to grab some stuff she'd left there. So, we took it back to the school and passed the bag through the bars. Next time we'll pass you guys a cake with a file baked in it so you can saw your way out! Anyway, we had a fun weekend and hope everyone at home had a good weekend too. Time for me to go wrap some Christmas presents, because tomorrow they're getting mailed out on a dragonboat headed straight for the east coast of Canada. Estimated time of arrival: Christmas 2012. Enjoy!

Big Lotto Win

Those of you who memorize my posts may remember that a few months ago I wrote about Taiwan's receipt lottery. Well, the numbers were announced yesterday so I just spent the last 90 minutes watching "The View" and sorting through two months worth of reciepts. Guess what? We had 2 winning receipts (and a lot of losers- see the photo above) and we are now a whopping $400NT richer. Too bad I have to share with that golddigger, Melodie. Oh well, our winnings should cover the pizza party we have planned for tonight- woo hoo! Thank you, Taiwan!

The Way It Should Be

November 26th, in my shorts, playing frisbee in the sun. The way it should be.

Taiwan Storyland

Last Tuesday, Melodie, Nareesa and I spent over an hour wandering around Taipei Main Station looking for Taiwan Storyland. We had planned on going there for lunch so we were starving and eventually gave up. I mentioned this to my neighbor, Christine, and she offered to escort us there herself. WoOt!! So on Tuesday, Christine, Nareesa and I (Mel had to teach) took the bus to Taipei Main Station and walked straight to Taipei Storyland as if it were the easiest place in the world to find. It was frustratingly located in a basement, one building away from where we had stopped looking last Tuesday. *RAGE*


The inside of Storyland is made to look like you are walking down the city streets of old Taiwan. Storyland has a police office, school, dentist, shop, house, restaurant, theater and a few other places that are made to look like the 40s. It was kind of cool being there with Christine, because she remembered having some of the things that we saw on display and was able to tell us a bit more about what we were seeing.


The best part about walking down the fake streets of Taiwan Storyland? No scooters trying to run us over. Yay!


The admission price was $280NT (a little under $10CAN), which includes $150NT worth of vouchers that you can use to buy food or things at the shop. We decided to eat our lunch there, so I ordered a decent but dry-tasting plate of pork with rice and a too-sweet melon tea. Nareesa was a bit more adventurous, as she usually is, and ordered a plate of chicken feet and gizzards. She kindly offered me some, which I declined- though they looked delicious.


For desert we had decided to get shaved ice from the old-timey shaved ice store (old ice shavers seen above). Usually when I order shaved ice, I can choose whatever toppings I want on the dessert but at this place the toppings were pre-decided. They all featured vast amounts of goo and beans and the only one that looked good to me turned out to be chocolate sauce with a raw egg cracked on top of the ice. Pass! Wasn't that hungry anymore anyway.


Old fashioned KKK car.


Old fashioned copyright infringement- a proud Asian tradition- on a Mickey Mouse ice cream cart.


Old-timey racist toothpaste ad.


Outside of the hospital there were some old ads warning of the dangers of letting your child drink DDT. Who was letting their kids drink DDT?????


There were also some pleasant signs advising of the messy side-effects of being bitten by insects. Not sure what bug they are referring to, but I'm hope that thing never bites me!


Old fashioned police station.


We were able to play with puppets!


And there were stilts to play with too. Getting a photo of us both standing upright on those things was not going to happen.

The Most Popular Songs In Taiwan

Not unlike Korea, Taiwan has yet to evolve from that boy band style of music that was popular in the US and Canada in the 90s. The music is generally cheesy, poppy and gross- here are three of the biggest songs in Taiwan that are pretty much unavoidable right now (I will admit to not entirely hating any of them *pukes in mouth*):



(The trannies of) Super Junior M- Sorry Sorry

If anyone in my class says "sorry" for any reason, at least a dozen kids will start singing the chorus to this damn song. Actually, it is pretty catchy.



夜貓(Night Cat) by 丁噹(Ring)... I had no idea who sang this song until I looked up the Taiwan music charts and searched for a few of the songs on You Tube, but this song is played here a lot. The only lyrics I understand are in the chorus when she says "Mao" and "Gao" AKA cat and dog.



Wonder Girls- Nobody

This is horrible, but it when I'm out and I hear it it always gets stuck in my head. Such a stupid song!! Enjoy!

We're going out with some Taiwanese friends on Saturday night for karaoke (at a famous karaoke place where all the celebs go) and I hope we can convince them to sing one of these amazing songs!

A Little Stretch

It happens all the time in Asia. You're waiting to cross the road, you're standing at the bus stop, you're walking down the street and, sure enough, someone starts up with some random public exercise that would put Olivia Newton-John to shame. In both Korea and Taiwan, we've noticed that it's completely normal for locals to bust out some sudden jumping jacks, over-dramatic stretches and pelvic thrusts that can't possibly do anything for their health besides make them look ridiculous.

So yesterday, my fat ass was sitting at KFC when I spotted a cab driver taking an exercise break at a gas station. Unfortunately, I had a Zinger in my hand when he was first leaping around, but the footage I captured is still a good example of this phenomenon of Asian public exercise. Foolish as it is, you have to admire the spirit of the exercise. I mean, what do Canadian cabbies do on their breaks? Go to a Tim Horton's drive-thru? Smoke? This video makes me happy.

The Cost Of Living

One of the first things you notice when you go shopping in Taiwan is just how cheap a lot of things are. It's great!! After we got paid for the first time, Mel and I each had a $1000NT shopping spree. Maybe that sounds like a lot, but it's only $30CAN, and we each came home with a big bag full of new clothes. You can still spend a lot of money if you want to, but overall the cost of living here is very low compared to what we are used to in Canada. I notice this especially with restaurant prices- most people I know here never cook at home because it's just so cheap to eat out all the time. If you're thinking about spending some time in Taiwan, I hope this list helps you plan your budget (all prices roughly converted to Canadian Dollars).

A liter of gas= 75 cents CAD

A ride on the bus= 50 cents

A ride on the subway= 30 cents (short distance)-$1.30(the longest possible trip)

Taxi fare starts at= $2.30 and you'll probably pay $3.00 for a 10 minute journey


A Big Mac combo at McDonalds= $3.25

A tall latte at Starbucks= $4.00 (that shiz is overpriced wherever you go)

A bowl of noodles or a soup from a local vendor= $1.00


A can of Coke= 60 cents

A bag of Lays= 60 cents

A chocolate bar= 30 cents

A 355ml can of Taiwan Beer= 90 cents


An issue of "Sexy Nuts" magazine= $5.50

12 cubes (no rolls here) of toilet paper= $2.50

A new t-shirt= $3-$30 depending on the brand

A new pair of Converse shoes= $40


A Hello Ketty nighty= $3.00

High speed internet/monthly= $20

Cable TV/monthly= $15

A new CD= $15

A movie ticket= $7.50

Popcorn and pop combo at the theater= $1.75

Admission to the zoo or a museum= 30-60 cents

Transaction fee for using another banks' ATM= 15 cents


New Domo slippers= priceless

Airplane Restaurant!

Airplane food doesn't really have the best reputation but regardless, the A380 In-Flight Kitchen restaurant in Taipei has no problem filling its seats. After 3 Fridays in a row of trying to get reservations, we were finally able to book a table at this amazing restaurant and I'm happy to report that it was a turbulence-free ride.


The inside of the restaurant is modeled after the Airbus A380 airplane and looks just like the Airplane classroom that we taught in at the Suwon English Village in Korea. Melodie taught "airplane" class so many times she could probably still get up and show a room full of people how to use an oxygen mask. Oh, the things we do for money. But teachers aren't the only people capable of working in costume: the waiters and waitresses at the restaurant were all dressed like flight attendants. Unfortunately, none of them got up and started stripping like the staff at the hospital theme restaurant.


After a little while, the lights went down and the staff made an announcement in both Mandarin and English that the cabin crew wanted to welcome us aboard and that free drinks would be served shortly. With that, a stewardess pushed a cart through the restaurant and served us free plastic cups of beer, coffee or pop. We always order ginger ale when we fly, but sadly it was not available... so we went with the free beer.




The menu attempted to be fancy, with pumpkins full of crab and spaghetti topped with a raw egg on offer, but I went with your traditional steak and potatoes. I like my steak well-done and it was served very rare so I had to send it back... twice. Mel's steak had the same problem and Christine's medium steak was so rare it was almost purple. But, it was really, really good (when it was finally cooked the way I liked it)... it'd been a while since I'd had a good steak. Nom nom nom.


All meals were served with a shot of pomegranate liquor, a soup, salad, drink and the world's cheeriest dessert (see above). And for some reason, we also got free plates as well. Score!


Photo-op with the stewardess.

All in all, I would say that we had a fun flight this evening. I'm getting a lot of enjoyment out of these foolish theme restaurants, and I believe I've spotted one more that we have to try: there's a puppet theme restaurant somewhere in Taipei and I'm going to do some of my best googling to get us there soon! Puppets!

Herb Garden

Foodie review time! On Sunday afternoon, my landlord Christine took me and some of the other teachers to a fancy schmancy restaurant in Sinjhuang called Herb Garden. Unfortunately, Melodie was not able to join us as a result of too much Lady Gaga at 9% the previous night... but I'm sure I'll be able to take her back to try the restaurant sometime.


For a place located under an overpass, surrounded by shacks and fields of mud, Herb Garden has a great atmosphere and was rather busy considering that we were there around 2pm, when most restaurants are dead. The charm of the building comes from the fact that it was built around the trees, so there are starfruit and plum trees that grow from the ground through the floor of the restaurant and up through the roof. Also, as the name suggests, they really do grow their own herbs for cooking, which is a nice touch.


The meals cost between $15-18CAN, which I thought was expensive for Taiwan but by the time we'd finished all of the food they served us, you easily forgave the price. First out was a seafood chowder (no thank you) with some bread cooked right on top of the bowl. The bread was great!


Bottomless glass of fruit punch with little apple cubes floating in it.


Pinapple/apple/tomato salad with some leafy things, octopus and other fishy bits. The fruit was great!


Young chicken (without the head attached!) with pineapple and a tangy sauce that was really, really delicious. This dish was cooked and seasoned perfectly.


Dessert was coffee and a milk pudding with mint and red bean. I did a fairly good job of eating around the red bean... damn, I'm pickier than a 4 year old so take my comments with a grain of salt... everyone loved the food here.


The garden outside the restaurant. Although it was a cloudy day, the weather was nice and there were still flowers blooming. As a Canadian, I find it's so weird to see bright, fresh flowers outside in the month of November! There was also a fake chapel on site where weddings were sometimes held, and a peacock (the Taiwanese bird of love) strutting his stuff in the garden.

Of course, the best part about going out with my neighbor is that there is always a lot of funny and informative conversation. For example, at lunch on Sunday I learned:

- She thinks her husband is ugly (he isn't!) and she tells him all the time "YOU'RE UGLY"
- In Taiwan, if someone tells you you're cute what they really mean is that you're not good looking enough to be called handsome or beautiful.
- She once borrowed her foreign tenants' young son for a concert because she knew he would get the singers' attention. She also knows way too much information about this singer and looked like she might jump across the table when Christine-teacher mentioned that she liked him too.

I love my neighbor <3

So! If you're ever in the mud field/overpass section of Sinjhuang I highly recommend Herb Garden. It is a very delicious garden indeed.

UPDATE: By popular demand, Nareesa's entree- featuring the world's biggest shrimp with the world's most beautiful eyes: